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Did I say how much mince? I guess half a kilogram should be plenty for your family now that Joe’s left home. Use about the same amount of tomatoes. Sorry, son.

Oops, it might be helpful if I told you how to make the chilli, wouldn’t it! What you need to do is dice the onion and garlic and fry them up in a little oil. Add your mince, and when that’s nice and brown, add the tomatoes and beans. You need to fry the onion and garlic for about five minutes. If you don’t like kidney beans, you could try corn, although my recipe does call for beans. You decide.

I forgot to mention, the chillies need to go in after the onion and garlic but before the mince. Cook them up a little to release the flavour. I usually fry them for a minute or so. Make sure you chop the chillies really small — or you could have a few complaints! It’s up to you.

By the way, I always roast the tomatoes first. It brings out their flavour. Use that big oven dish of your mum’s … I think she keeps it in the top cupboard — or you could try the bottom cupboard. Anyway, put the tomatoes in the dish and sprinkle them with salt and pepper. Bake them in a hot oven for twenty minutes. That should do the trick. Make sure you oil the dish first or else the tomatoes will stick. I always add a chopped capsicum at the same time as the tomatoes and beans.

Hi there, Jamie. Your mum says you want my chilli recipe. Well now, I guess I can give it to you just this once … it’s a secret recipe, but you’re family, so that’s OK. You need some mince, some tomatoes, eight chillies, an onion, some garlic, a can of kidney beans … I often skip them because your grandma’s not that fond of kidney beans. I like them myself, and your mum always liked them when she was a girl. Where was I? Ahhh, a can of kidney beans … did I already mention them? It’s one can, not two — although it wouldn’t do any harm to add the extra can. I’ll leave it up to you. Good luck.